It’s getting close to the most wonderful time of the year – or not. Study season encroaches once again on campus as Stanford students shut their doors, lower their blinds, and jack up their blood pressures, living paycheck-to-paycheck, textbook-to-textbook.
“Nothing compares to the workload of Social Life 101,” Janice Deersborn, a chemistry, human biology, and computer science triple major, said. “In all my time here, no class has ever made me cry as much as that one. I would say the hardest part of it is the p-sets. Small talk? Discussing feelings? Enunciating syllables to a sentient being? The expectations are definitely high.”
And the expectations are high, according to a recent survey of the student body, which claims that 95% of Stanford undergrads have ranked Social Life 101 as their hardest upcoming midterm exam. Part of this may be due to the stringent standards of the notorious course professor, Dr. Touchgrass. “He’s an amazing person,” said Eddy Romero, a senior taking the class for the first time. “But he grades really hard. Last week he gave me a B for staying inside all week and not making eye contact with anyone, even though I clearly do it with myself in the mirror. I think that at least merits a B+.”
Maybe the survey results are a testament to how hard it is to juggle multiple heavy courses, extracurriculars, and well-being all at the same time. Or maybe it’s that Social Life 101 is currently listed as a 5-unit class, instead of a 1-unit class. Kacie Lee, a sophomore who has been petitioning for a unit downgrade for the past year, weighed in. “There’s just not enough time in the day,” she insisted as she frantically waved her protest sign in front of the Student Services Center. “And it’s not fair that the course is a requirement to graduate. We shouldn’t have to make friends or enjoy our time in college if we don’t want to.”
Whether or not Social Life 101 will be the most difficult midterm remains to be seen, but this year especially, many students remain optimistic. Perhaps the hardest courses here at Stanford could easily be some of the most important.
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.