Hello trees! The illustrious halls of the Stanford Occasionally bring you a list of fun relatable week 1 activities to do with your friends and say “that’s so me!” Put a finger down for each fun and quirky activity you have completed!

• Hit the fountains! They’re just a hop and skip away!
• Shiver and catch a cold biking back late at night
• Arrive late to a class after walking in circles, unable to find the room, swearing that it was in a different location last year
• “I’m ready to be done; today feels like a Friday”. On Monday. Morning.
• Sit down by yourself in the dining hall with another plate of vegan Chick’n, questioning your own sanity
• Achieve existential crisis after finishing a Locke reading for your philosophy class during said meal
• Throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demons which surround you
• Grab a coffee at Coupa with the day-ones. Win!

Anyway, we hope you enjoyed this innocuous list. See you on the bike paths!

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.