While this last winter quarter posed a number of challenges to Stanford students, they seem to have either turned over a new leaf or forgotten about the quarter entirely. According to registrar statistics, as many as 70% of frosh have undertaken a course load of at least 20 units this spring.

“I can’t wait to take Differential Equations, Computer Organization and Systems, Inorganic Chemistry and three electives this quarter,” shared an eager Mackenzie Zhao ’25, clearly forgetting the repeated all-nighters she had pulled the previous quarter to manage a slightly smaller course load. Zhao’s friends reported seeing her between zero and three times in the winter, hearing mostly about how overwhelmed Zhao felt. “I’m so energized for my pre-med double major in Chemistry and CS,” Zhao added.

Henry Baker ’25, Ariel Turner ’25 and Tammy Cisneros ’25 all shared their similar plans, confirming that they intended to enroll in 23, 19, and 20 units, respectively, despite frequently entreating their Instagram followers to “take some time for yourself” and claiming that “school isn’t everything.”

Though the final study list deadline has just passed, students still have five weeks to withdraw from courses. Should they recall the dark experience of last quarter, it sounds like they’ll need it.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.