The Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine boasts a 95% efficacy rate following the second shot, but for some, how come the second dose comes with no dose of morale? We interviewed an on-campus student, who wishes to remain anonymous, about their experience after achieving full vaccination.

“At first, people were so jealous to hear that I’d been vaccinated, but the smugness of getting the first jab turned more into a jab at my self-esteem,” they describe. 

“I thought I’d be invited to more stuff. Then came the booster shot, but not the boost of confidence. It wasn’t in the description, sure, but was this not what I was signing up for — feeling at least a bit better about myself? Maybe I should have gotten Moderna instead.”

Seems like the vaccine doesn’t come with immunity to loneliness. It sucks, but mRNA can’t really code for new friends — but hey, at least you have the antibodies despite being anti-buddy.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.